It is not flesh and blood but the heart, which makes us fathers and sons.Johann Schiller

It’s been ages since I’ve last posted anything on this blog.
My other blog, or what people might call the “Baby Blog” was updated yesterday...
It’s about time I posted something new on this one.

A lot of things have happened since I last wrote.
No, no, I haven’t given birth yet!
Besides, anything on the birth and the baby is on the Baby Blog

A couple of months ago, Wan’s father collapsed in a coma...and he hasn’t woken up. They did 2 major operations on him; brain surgery (he had an aneurysm) and an angiogram (they coiled something in his heart). Both operations went well and now there’s nothing much for anyone to do but wait and pray.

He’s sleeping peacefully in KL Hospital’s ICU and everyone is just waiting for him to wake up. He is responsive – eyes blinking, fingers moving, legs twitching... but he hasn’t really woken up yet.

Wan has always been very close with his father. They’re more like best buddies than father and son. He takes after his father a lot. In fact, his mannerisms and facial gestures are SoOOo like his father; all his father’s friends have a hard time not welling-up when they have conversations with him during hospital visits.

Wan’s father, whom we call ‘Ayoh’, was always in the habit of calling him up at anytime of the night just to chat. And more often than not, these chats would last for hours and be infused with loud guffaws and infectious laughter.

And whenever Ayoh came down to KL, they’d always get together for a meal (and usually, a very LARGE one). These meals again would be interspersed with hilarity and mirth.

So you can imagine how Ayoh’s coma has affected Wan.

It’s like someone reached into his chest and tore out a piece of his heart.
For the first few days after the collapse, it pained me to see the agony that my husband was going through. Not a man who keeps his emotions inside, Wan had tears running down his face every time he performed his prayers. But for the sake of his family, he put up a brave front. It was only in the privacy of our room did he let the tears fall.

I’ve observed and learned a lot from this experience...
I’ve learned that the government hospital staffs are not the lazybums that they are constantly accused of being.
I’ve learned that people handle grief in different ways, including running away from it, being in denial and letting their lives go on a standstill.
I’ve learned that there are many ways NOT to approach a grieving family (telling sweet anecdotes about your relationship with the patient are fine... disclosing his shortcomings are a definite no-no... DUH!)

The most memorable thing I’ve learned... is that my husband is an Amazing Man.

Okay, I’ve always known that – that’s why I married him. But I had no idea how solid and dependable he can be in times of adversity.

Wan is a pillar of strength for his mother, a distracting delight to his siblings and a responsible son to his father. And throughout all this, he never failed in his role as husband and expectant father.

He still has time to fuss over his heavily pregnant wife.
He still has time to sing to his baby (albeit through my belly) at night.
He still finds the time to indulge in my family’s requests for his presence (they love him and are constantly making sure he gets proper TLC).
He was never on depress-mode and carried on being the same jovial, cheerful man he always was.

And he never failed to visit his father in the ICU. Not once. And every time he goes, he’ll chat with Ayoh, sing to him, embrace him, pray with him, coax him to respond to his voice... and Ayoh actually does respond.
The sight of a single tear running down his cheek was enough to make me tear-up. It’s amazing... how strong a father-son bond can be.

If the relationship of father to son could really be reduced to biology, the whole earth would blaze with the glory of fathers and sons.
James Baldwin

Right now, life goes on.
Ayoh is still sleeping peacefully in the ICU.
We’re all praying for him.

Prophet Muhammad's Prayer for the Ailing
"O Allah remove the hardship, O Lord of mankind, grant cure for You are the Healer. There is no cure but from You, a cure which leaves no illness behind."