Heard of the Cookie Monster? Meet... The MOVIE MONSTER

Last week, after a long break due to my nausea, Wan and I went to watch a movie. We wanted to check-out all the hype of MI-3. It was a good movie; typical standard Mission Impossible fare.

But the company was annoying. And no, I don’t mean my husband.

A few minutes after the movie started, just when Tom Cruise was receiving his self-destructing message, a young couple asked to be excused as they needed to walk in front of us to get to their seats.
Why can’t people be punctual in this country? Why?

So anyway, the young boy ended up sitting next to me. And he was the most annoying seat-mate one could ever imagine.

He spent half the movie-time gobbling down food and the other half snoring his stupid head off.

Is it really necessary for you to bring an entire MEAL into the cinema?

I mean, popcorn, chocolates, Twisties and the like are acceptable but hello…
You’ve got a hotdog laden with onions and mustard, 10 sticks of fishballs, sotongballs and prawnballs, a Tupperware of nasi lemak and hot fried mee hoon. I’m pretty sure the last two items were sneaked in because TGV does not have a ready wok to fry noodles or a blender to fix the sambal.

The odor of his balls were bad enough.
And having him dip them into the acidic-smelling hot sauce was ghastly.
But the smell of sambal mixed with onions and mustard is horrendously discomforting in a closed, air-conditioned cinema theatre.

What is food to one, is to others bitter poison.
Lucretius (96 BC - 55 BC), De Rerum Natura

Do you really have to gorge yourself while watching a movie?
If you do, can you please buy the DVD and indulge in the privacy of your home?

Maybe I’m just extra-sensitive due to the pregnancy, but I remember feeling just as peeved by this when I wasn’t.

And even if the smells don’t bother me, some people are just incapable of eating quietly.

I remember watching Man on Fire (a FINE movie, by the way). And this woman by my side bestowed upon me a side-show made up of a gastronomical orchestra.

The steady crunch of Nachos was the overpowering introduction.
It was followed by the melodic grinding of chocolate covered nougat and the chomping of a never-ending hot dog covered in pickles.
Then the slurping and sucking sounds of a feast of Maggi-in-a-cup.
This was then immediately trailed by the slow, determined sipping of hot coffee. Just when I thought this was the end, I was treated with the crescendo of a multitude of chewing and smacking of caramel popcorn and the nyam-nyam-nyam of a small cup of mashed potatoes.
And finally, the grand finale was the gulping and guzzling of an iced-cola (alternated with the maddening crunching of ice-cubes).

The woman made so much noise; the THX people would have loved to have her for their advertisements. Surround sound, mannnn.

I tell you, if my mother had been there, she’d have pinched the woman on her thigh and fiercely whisper "Eat with your mouth CLOSED".

The best and most memorable thing about the orchestra was that I was given a souvenir...
A saliva-coated chunk of hot-dog bread fell from her wide maw onto my arm.
Say it with me now, EEEEWWWWWW...

*sigh*

I want to watch Over the Hedge.
If another movie-monster is seated near me, what do I do?

a. Grab the food, throw it outside and hand him a RM50 note to cover his losses.
b. Grab the food from his hands and eat it.
c. Grab and eat HIM.

He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster.
Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 - 1900), Beyond Good and Evil, Aphorism 146

I guess I should take my own advice and stay home to watch the movie on DVD.