It Must be Easy being a Man...

A lot of benefits comes with the penis.

Wardrobe-wise, there's not much hassle.
Work: Shirt & Pants & Socks & Shoes.
Play: T-Shirt & Jeans & Socks & Sneakers.
All you've got to decide on is 'what color'.
Even then, you can't go wrong... Dark colors, pastel colors, bright colors... everything's acceptable.

With women, the choices are unbelieavable. I won't even bother listing them down because I hardly know the names of all those stuff. (I've just learnt what an espadrille is.. A type of shoe... You learn a new word everyday...)

I used to call my tops 'shirts' until my friend corrected me - "That's not a shirt, Di. It's a 'tunic'".
I just nodded knowingly, despite thinking to myself "What the hell's a 'tunic'? Sounds like 'tumeric', and isn't that kunyit?"

And to me, all fabrics are just that - fabrics. But then I found out that some are silk/cotton/wool/linen/cashmere etc. And ALL have different washing instructions!

And lets not even GO to SHOES. Ugh. Men can just wear the same ol' black leather shoes and no one says a word. Women insist on having 10 pairs of black leather shoes - pumps/court shoes/sandals/boots etc. And then high-heels, medium-heels, flats, stilletos... ick!

And brands! Omigod. Prada/Louis Vitton/Chanel/Christian Dior/Fendi/Gucci etc. I've only recently learnt the names... I've yet to understand which is "high class" and which is "lower class" and WHY these damn things even HAVE classes!

Conversation-wise, men have it easy.
Sports. News. Cars. Work. Women. Jokes. Dirty jokes. Dirtier jokes.

For women.... Aiyoooo.... Have you ever listened in on a conversation among women? Usually, EVERYONE is speaking at the same time and you'd think "who's left listening to all this yak yak yakking"? But don't be fooled, we are hearing every single word...and we respond to it too. That's why most conversations among women are alien to men.

"Did you hear about that bitch?"
"Omigod yes! Look at this picture! And how could he even THINK about doing that to her!"
"Awww... he's so cute. Is he walkingyet? Apparently he's always been like that, like , you know -"
"I KNOW! As IF his BMW is the only one on the planet! Oh, I lurrrrve that bracelet!"
"I SoOooOO agree with you on that! He's just started toddling a few steps... and eating solids now. She should've dumped him long ago"
"Yeah, they must've been so, like, off! Always fighting. And I got it on sale too!"
"You can say THAT again! "

That's why if a man tags along for a women's outing, after a few minutes, he gets this vacant look on his face.

I'm a woman but sometimes, even I don't understand my fellow sisters...

Men have ONE face. They sleep in that face, go to work with that face, go on dates with that face... It's the same ol' face they came out of the womb with.

Women... They subject their face to torture.

Wash, tone, moisturise, wait 2 minutes, foundation, base powder, tweeze eyebrows, eye liner, eye shadow, (wipe off eyeshadow as it doesn't match new shirt), eye shadow #2, eye shine, nose shade, (scrub off nose shade as looked like Micheal Jackson), blush, lip liner, lipstick, dab lipstick with tissue, reapply lipstick (why the hell did u dab it off in the 1st place???),lip gloss, loose powder, spray with some liquidspray thingy that makes you glow... All THIS for work.

And for sleep... Scrub, Exfoliate, Wash, tone, moisturise, wait 2 minutes, slather on cucumber+ginger+lemon beauty paste, put cucumber on eyes and then try to sleep while smelling like a salad.

I've yet to subject myself to this torture.

And men can have a meal without drama.
Bring them ANYwhere and they'll eat ANYthing.
"I'll have the steak, well done, with mashed potatoes".
Eat eat eat and burp.
End of meal.

Women...
"I'll have the steak, well-done... no, raw.. I mean, medium-rare.. no, no.. Well-done. And mashed potatoes, please. Thank you....Wait. That's too heavy. A fish is less fattening, right? Okay, I'll have the smoked salmon and a side of coleslaw. Oh dear, coleslaw has mayonaisse and I'm really on a diet... Okay, make that a Caesar Salad,.. with fries. Oh crap. Fries are sooOoo oily. Just make that a Caesar Salad'lah.... and a ChocolateMarshmallow Supreme Brownie for dessert"

Nibble nibble "Oh, this is going straight to my hips!"
Nibble nibble... sip sip sip "This is such a HUGE portion"...
Nibble nibble... "Actually, maybe I should've had the steak, kan?" nibble nibble...chomp chomp chomp
"This brownie is SINFULLY delicious"... chomp chomp CHOMP!
"MMMmmmm...OMIGOD! I can't believe I ATE THAT! How could you let me EAT THAT?! I can just SEE my tummy growing!"
((((Guilt guilt guilt)))
Discreet burp disguised as a sneeze.
End of meal.

(10 minutes later..."I SOOOOoooO shouldn't have eaten that brownie!")

And the Contradictions!!

Boyfriend sends her flowers.
"Honey, thank you for the flowers but you really shouldn't waste your money like this. Flowers wilt and die... my love for you is eternal. This bouquet must've been expensive... save up for our wedding'la sayang..."
(two months later)
(((pout pout pout)))
"How come you never buy me flowers anymore?"

Boyfriend calls her at the office...
"I don't know WHY he needs to call me all the time! Doesn't he trust me? I mean, I'll see him if after work whattt. Kacau jer lah!"
(two days later)
"How come you never call me at the office? Don't you think of me? I think of you ALL the time. Don't you miss me?"

Boyfriend gives gift:
BOOK:
"Omigod! Is he implying that I need to read more??? He thinks I'm dumb!??"
TEDDYBEAR:
"I'm an independent, self-relient and mature woman! He still treats me like a child! No respect, I tell you!"
HOUSEHOLD APPLIANCE:
"Excuuuuuusssseee me! Is he hinting that I must do housework? I earned a degree and am NOT going to be his maid!"
DECORATIVE ITEM: "How nice.... and how cheap! I could probably get this for RM15 at IKEA! Hmph."
JEWELLERY:
"ooohhh.. I LOVE IT!....... Waitaminute. Is he trying to buy my affections? What does he want... No. What did he DO?? Mesti ada udang di sebalik batu nih!!! If not, why'd he spend so much for this??"

Hmm.... Okaylah... on a second thought... maybe it's not that easy being a man...