Punishing Politeness

I noticed something rather disturbing today. (aside from the carcass of a fly floating in my kopi-o... I tell you, that's a horrible sight to see first thing in the morning.)

I've been a KL'ite all my life. I've been a KL driver since I was 17 (and that was a long, lonnng time ago). And I just realized something today.

We punish politeness.

Imagine this scenario.
It's a traffic jam. I'm in the middle lane. I wish to get into the right lane. What's the best and most polite way of doing that?
Yes, to signal and allow the right-lane-drivers to give way.

But what's the most FEASIBLE way of doing it?
You'd be surprised.

Option #1
When I turn on my signal, the drivers in the right lane automatically speed up. It doesn't matter that before I signalled they had been fully engrossed in picking their nose and had allowed a gap between their car and the front one. Once I signalled, they immediately take their finger out of their nostrils and speed up, closing the gap and giving me a "How-DARE-you!"-Glare and a huge HOOOONNNKKK!!!! from their horn.

Option #2
I slowly edge into their lane without giving a signal... Pretending I don't see them and just assume that they'll give way.
I don't get a HOOOONNNKKK!!! but I just get a "Typical-Woman-Driver"-Eye-Roll from them.

Option #3
I zOooOommmm straight into their lane. Not signalling, not slowly edging my way in... Just speed up and swerve right into their lane...
And I get nothing.
No glare.
No honk.
Nothing.

Thus, I safely conclude that the most feasible way of getting from one lane to the other is by driving like a maniac.
In other words, be rude.

People honk and glare at the drivers who USE their signal.
People honk and glare at the drivers who SLOW DOWN at orange lights.
People honk and glare at the drivers who GIVE WAY to pedestrians.

People punish politeness.

Another example.

I am invited to a 'majlis berbuka puasa'.
(Dinner after a full day of fasting during the Muslim month of Ramadhan)
The invitation says 7:15pm as that is the time the sun sets and we are allowed to break fast.
I am there at 7:15.
The azan (call for prayer) is heard.
We are served with drinks.
I drink.
I look at the beautiful array of food and wait for the hostess to invite us to help ourselves at the feast.
She tells us that another couple is running late and the rest of us should wait for them.
It's 8:00pm.
The tardy couple have still not arrived.
Guests are getting restless, all of us nursing our 6th glass of water while our eyes keep straying back to the buffet table of (now cold) food.
8:30, the couple arrives.
Hostess says 'bon apetit'!

I say "F*ck You."
not out loud'lah

I really found that situation incredible.
You literally punished your guest who came at the designated time.
It's no wonder that Malaysians are known for their tardiness...
Why the hell not?
We certainly reward it!
Coming early or on time only to wait for those who are late... That's just annoying.

Yet another example.
I've noticed that people tend to defer to agression.
I once went into a store with my mother. My mother is a very pleasant person. She smiled at the salesgirl and greeted her 'good morning'.
The salesgirl gave her the once-over and frowned. My mother continued to be pleasant, calling the girl by name and saying 'please' and 'thank you'.
The surly girl attended to her needs, alternating between a 'frown' and a 'sneer'.
As we were paying for our purchases, another customer walked into the store. She was loud, boorish and aggressive. She called the salesgirl 'Girl' and snootily complained out loud that the 'girl' was slow and 'takder otak (brainless).
The girl took the abuse with a grim smile and gave that Ogre the best service in the history of shopping.

Ahh... So THAT'S what it takes to get good service.
Be rude.
So what if we were not raised to treat people like servants...
So what if we inwardly cringe at being boorish and ill-mannered.

No one cares. It is now the norm. Go ahead, be rude.
No one punishes you for it anyway.

My Goodness.
This is NOT the kind of world I want to raise my children in.
At the risk of sounding like an old goat..
"What is the world coming to?"

People are so accustomed to rudeness, that it is now the norm to punish politeness.

Please tell me this is not a world-wide epidemic. Then at least I'll have the option of moving to another country.

I hear eskimos are nice people.

To have respect for ourselves guides our morals; and to have a deference for others governs our manners.
Lawrence Sterne (1713 - 1768)