The Blame Game

Martin E.P. Seligman, PhD asserts that people have gone too far in blaming others for their problems.

The mantra is not just "It's not MY fault!"...
The mantra is "It's not MY fault... it's my overprotective parents/my idiot boss/my credit-stealing colleagues/my overachieving elder brother etc..."

Prof.Seligman says that by ignoring their problems and failing to recognize their shortcomings, people lose a sense of responsibility for their lives. And, in turn, society’s real heroes become deformed—as exemplified by the number of people who wept for underdog Princess Diana (psychologically troubled due to fault of the Royal Family) compared with those who mourned for heroic Mother Teresa.

I do see some truth in this.

The Blame Game is played by the masses. Even I'm not claiming that I've never been a player of this self-destructive game. It's so much easier to NOT take responsibility for the mistakes that you've made... or your error in judgment. It's always easier to stubbornly point fingers than to humbly take blame.

An accident happens.
It's always the OTHER drivers fault.
Even though the other driver was in his office when you had crashed into his parked car...

You failed your mid-term exams.
It's always the LECTURER'S fault for not teaching good enough, giving good grades to his 'pets' and not appreciating your unique intelligence etc.
Even though you only have 10% attendance in his class and answered an essay question using only half a page of paper.

You have affair with a married man.
It's always the WIFE's fault for "not taking care of her hubby".
Even though it was YOU who relentlessly seduced the man and plonked yourself on his lap while dressed in a leopard-print thong.

You're 40 years old and your bank balance is RM0.45.
It's always GOD's fault for "not giving you a chance".
(or in Malay "Tuhan tak kasi aku rezeki".)
Even though it was YOU who spent most of your salary on 'pimping your ride' instead of investing or saving.

If your daily life seems poor, do not blame it; blame yourself, tell yourself that you are not poet enough to call forth its riches.
Rainer Maria Rilke (1875 - 1926)

I'm NOT saying that we should ALWAYS take the blame for things.
I do believe in fate. But I also believe in doing your utmost best before relinquishing your life to fate.
My point is that we should always be open to the possibility that when bad things happen to us, it MAY have been our fault. We MAY have deserved it. We MAY have to take responsibility for it.

There is a luxury in self-reproach. When we blame ourselves, we feel that no one else has a right to blame us. It is the confession, not the priest, that gives us absolution.
Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900), The Picture of Dorian Gray, 1891

I just saw a person reprimand his secretary for not reminding him that today is his wife's birthday. No offence, dude. It IS your wife. If you can't take the effort of remembering her birthday, it's not your secretary's fault if you have to sleep on the couch tonight.

I do not confer praise or blame: I accept. I am the measure of all things. I am the centre of the world.
W. Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965), 'Of Human Bondage', 1915