Kecek Molek sikit, Boh...

Kelantanese for "Speak nicely, boss"

I take the liberty of writing this sarcastically as I am not a Kelantanese but I have witnessed their plight...

The Many Ridiculous Myths About Kelantan
Accumulated from the many questions asked by those who have never set foot in the state.

Myth 1
At the border, bearded men in white clothing will stop your car and inspect you for decency. If you don't have a tudung (head-scarf), you have to turn back. Therefore, you must carry a tudung with you if you want to enter Kelantan.
Kelantan girls still reserve their right to choose whether or not they want to wear the tudung. If they want to, good. If they don't want to, it's their choice. Therefore, go ahead to Kelantan without a tudung --- Trust me, you will not be beheaded.

Myth 2
At the restaurants in Kelantan, men and women are seated separately.
I doubt anyone would get busy making babies on the tables at the mamak stall.... No, segregated seats at eateries do not happen in Kelantan. It happens in the International Islamic University Malaysia.... but that's another story altogether...

Myth 3
You can't go shopping in Kelantan as all the clothes have been tampered with. The short skirts are appended with extra pieces of cloth sewed on to it, the t-shirts with 'offensive' pictures are blanked out with black markers and the high-heeled shoes have their heels broken off.
I won't even dignify this crap with an answer.

Myth 4
Coke is banned in Kelantan.
Ooooh Pepsi would be pleased... Puh-leez lah! Of ALL the beverages to ban... They still sell liquor to the non-Muslims so why in the world would they ban a harmless can of Coke?

Myth 5
Any dog that traipses over the Kelantan border will be automatically shot to death.
Eh, Hallo... This is beyond ridiculous, man. Dogs are kept as pets in Kelantan just like any other place in this country, except Putrajaya... Did you know that? If you want to live in Putrajaya you cannot have dogs as pets? Hah! I bet some of you find that hard to believe... but it's true.

There are many many MANY other ludicrous claims I've heard about Kelantan and it just amazes me. Seemingly intelligent young executives coming up with such inane questions! Some don't even bother forming it into questions... They make bold statements like "You're going to Kelantan? Don't you know? They don't allow women on the streets after 8pm." And when you ask them if they've been there... they go "To Kelantan? NOoooOOo... NEVER." Then, how the f*ck do you know all that crap?

I've heard about fearing the unknown but this is ridiculous. I mean, people have absurd ideas about aliens because they don't know much about them... but this is KELANTAN, not MARS!

Strip yourself off all that foolish stereotype and paranoia and go on a road trip to the state before you make a fool out of yourself.
At least if you've been there, you'll be able to bitch about it with the benefit of experience instead of the liability of ignorance.

Kelantan Darul Naim is a pleasant little state in Peninsular Malaysia. The people all speak one language - Kelantanese. You see Chinese men, Indian women etc, all speaking the same dialect. They've got beautiful beaches, quaint historical sites, good shopping places and fantastic food. Ooooo.... the food there is utterly UTTERLY delicious.

But don't take my word for it, pay 'em a visit. And if you see any signs of bearded men shooting canines, I'll eat my tudung.