Heard of the Cookie Monster? Meet... The MOVIE MONSTER

Last week, after a long break due to my nausea, Wan and I went to watch a movie. We wanted to check-out all the hype of MI-3. It was a good movie; typical standard Mission Impossible fare.

But the company was annoying. And no, I don’t mean my husband.

A few minutes after the movie started, just when Tom Cruise was receiving his self-destructing message, a young couple asked to be excused as they needed to walk in front of us to get to their seats.
Why can’t people be punctual in this country? Why?

So anyway, the young boy ended up sitting next to me. And he was the most annoying seat-mate one could ever imagine.

He spent half the movie-time gobbling down food and the other half snoring his stupid head off.

Is it really necessary for you to bring an entire MEAL into the cinema?

I mean, popcorn, chocolates, Twisties and the like are acceptable but hello…
You’ve got a hotdog laden with onions and mustard, 10 sticks of fishballs, sotongballs and prawnballs, a Tupperware of nasi lemak and hot fried mee hoon. I’m pretty sure the last two items were sneaked in because TGV does not have a ready wok to fry noodles or a blender to fix the sambal.

The odor of his balls were bad enough.
And having him dip them into the acidic-smelling hot sauce was ghastly.
But the smell of sambal mixed with onions and mustard is horrendously discomforting in a closed, air-conditioned cinema theatre.

What is food to one, is to others bitter poison.
Lucretius (96 BC - 55 BC), De Rerum Natura

Do you really have to gorge yourself while watching a movie?
If you do, can you please buy the DVD and indulge in the privacy of your home?

Maybe I’m just extra-sensitive due to the pregnancy, but I remember feeling just as peeved by this when I wasn’t.

And even if the smells don’t bother me, some people are just incapable of eating quietly.

I remember watching Man on Fire (a FINE movie, by the way). And this woman by my side bestowed upon me a side-show made up of a gastronomical orchestra.

The steady crunch of Nachos was the overpowering introduction.
It was followed by the melodic grinding of chocolate covered nougat and the chomping of a never-ending hot dog covered in pickles.
Then the slurping and sucking sounds of a feast of Maggi-in-a-cup.
This was then immediately trailed by the slow, determined sipping of hot coffee. Just when I thought this was the end, I was treated with the crescendo of a multitude of chewing and smacking of caramel popcorn and the nyam-nyam-nyam of a small cup of mashed potatoes.
And finally, the grand finale was the gulping and guzzling of an iced-cola (alternated with the maddening crunching of ice-cubes).

The woman made so much noise; the THX people would have loved to have her for their advertisements. Surround sound, mannnn.

I tell you, if my mother had been there, she’d have pinched the woman on her thigh and fiercely whisper "Eat with your mouth CLOSED".

The best and most memorable thing about the orchestra was that I was given a souvenir...
A saliva-coated chunk of hot-dog bread fell from her wide maw onto my arm.
Say it with me now, EEEEWWWWWW...

*sigh*

I want to watch Over the Hedge.
If another movie-monster is seated near me, what do I do?

a. Grab the food, throw it outside and hand him a RM50 note to cover his losses.
b. Grab the food from his hands and eat it.
c. Grab and eat HIM.

He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster.
Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 - 1900), Beyond Good and Evil, Aphorism 146

I guess I should take my own advice and stay home to watch the movie on DVD.

Note: Musings on Sesame Street

Obviously one can imagine what's dominating my mind these days.
The Baby.

I've realised that I haven't updated this blog as much as I've updated my baby blog.
It's not intentional, I haven't faced much bloggable non-baby stuff worth writing about (aside from the Tart in the Elevator)

But rest assured, that the moment I do, it'll be splashed here for all to see :)

Cheers, folks!

Every oak tree started out as a couple of nuts who decided to stand their ground.

I’ve written about this before…
Elevator Etiquette.
I’m writing about it again because I am p.i.s.s.e.d.

This stupid tart and I were in the elevator.

She pressed 18th Floor, I pressed 12th.
The elevator went up.

It reached the 10th floor.
Her right hand went to the button panel.

It reached the 11th floor.
The forefinger of her right hand started to press the ‘Door Close’ button… persistently.

The elevator reached the 12th floor and ding’ed.
The door started to open.
I moved to get out.
Her finger is still persistently pressing the ‘Door Close’ button.

She succeeded in pissing-off a pregnant woman.

I stopped moving.
I let the door close.

She is startled.
She raises her face to look at me.
I look at her and smile.

“Since you seem so desperate in not letting me out, I’ll ride with you to your floor.”

So we rode up to the 18th floor in chilling silence.

I had a perpetual smile on my face (and it was the kind of smile you’d only see on a demented, deranged, maniac’s face).

Little Tart had her eyes lowered and her previously active hands were grasped firmly on her handbag.

As we reached the 18th Floor and the door ding’ed open, I was half-tempted to scare her further by stealthily following her.

But no, I’m not THAT nuts... yet.

Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead.
Charles Bukowski (1920 - 1994), From "Betting on the Muse"

The moments of happiness we enjoy take us by surprise. It is not that we seize them, but that they seize us. Montagu

I’m so proud of myself.
(Self-satisfied grin)

Hehehe...

It was Wan’s birthday yesterday.

For weeks, I’ve been secretly planning a surprise birthday party for him.
Weeks of contacting his friends, who are scattered all over the country.
Weeks of surreptitious sms’es and furtive phone calls.
Weeks of stifling giggles whenever I thought of something for the party.
Weeks of avoiding outings with his siblings and his buddies JUST in case he catches us exchanging sneaky looks.
Weeks of dropping false statements regarding my plans for his birthday.
(“We’ll just spend a nice, quiet, romantic evening together, ya sayang...”)
Weeks of keeping a secret from my own husband.

And in the end, it was a tremendous success!

The birthday boy had absolutely NO idea until the lights came up and his friends all jumped out, shrieking at him.
The look on his face?
Priceless.

He was overjoyed and so touched by the effort we all made.
We were all so thrilled at his reaction.

Shock
Goggle-eyed, weak-in-the-knees, gasping shock.
Stunned
Taking in the balloons, the feast and the guests, some of whom he hasn’t seen for ages.
Aftershock
While shaking his head, he aimlessly staggered around the room, picking up random things at the complete amusement of his buddies.
Happiness
Eating, laughing and chatting away, without a care in the world.

He was absolutely dazed at how I managed to organize everything behind his back.
“If you ever decide to have an affair, I’ll obviously be the doofus husband who suspects nothing!”

Don’t be silly, darling.
Happy Birthday!

I love you.

There is no surprise more magical than the surprise of being loved. It is the finger of God on a man's shoulder.
Margaret Kennedy